Did you ever wish you could put words back in your mouth? Probably most of us do at some time or another. Well, now I wish Mac Mail had a retract feature. Send an email you regret? Simple. Go to the Edit pull down menu and select Retract. Poof. Your email disappears from your recipients in box. Problem solved.
Boy I did it to myself yesterday. Look up faux pas in a dictionary and you will see my picture. With a goofy look on my face. Yep. That’s me. I sent a sincere email to one group of friends that really ticked off another group of friends. I meant what I said, but I did not mean to upset anyone. But I did.
Now I am in the thick of it. Today stunk. It was one of those, I just saw my dog run over by a truck days. The lump in the pit of my stomach. The lack of focus. The embarrassment. The looping soundtrack running through my head telling me how stupid I am.
Here is another thing that is really frustrating. I can’t apologize. I mean I could, but it would be insincere. That would only make it worse. An insincere apology is usually demeaning. Or an insult to your intelligence.
You can’t demand an apology either. Not that anyone asked me to in this situation. Demanding an apology is an attempt to dictate another person’s emotions. I need you to feel bad. Sorry–it does not work. What you would get is one of those, “I’m sorry you are upset” apologies. Does that ever make anyone feel better? That usually works to fan the flames.
Another thing, while I am at it. I feel bad that I have caused other people to react badly. A couple people have tried to retract what they said in response to what I said. It feels great to make other people stumble. In Biblical times I would have already been taken outside the city gate and stoned.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Earl Strayhorn Has Died
I just heard an old, retired judge, Earl Strayhorn died. He was at the center of an interesting day in my life. I was never involved in criminal law as a paralegal, none of the firms I worked for handle criminal defense. I met the judge as a juror.
Many years ago I was part of a pool of potential jurors to the Cook County criminal courts building. Rough neighborhood. After several hours my number was called and I was ushered into a courtroom with about 30 other people. As there was only one jittery guy dressed in an orange jumpsuit and shackled to a chair, it was easy to figure out who the defendant was.
The bad guy had several outbursts and refused an attorney. He kept telling the judge he was not guilty and was shocked the judge did not let him go right then and there. Strayhorn politely tried to keep the man under control. After the man agreed to be calm, the bailiffs took off the shackles and handcuffs. Then the jury selection started. Voir dire.
Eventually the defendant lost it and got violent. He flipped over a big table, the kind they used a have in high school libraries. He started throwing chairs, screaming, and carrying on. Everyone on the courtroom floor scattered. We jurors were kind of pinned into the box. Judge Strayhorn looked annoyed that his time was being wasted. Just as I caught his attention as the only white man in the courtroom, bailiffs in 2 x 2 formation rushed from every door. Our friend was on the floor within seconds.
Men gasped, women in the jury pool screamed and cried, and I sat there dumbfounded. Frozen to my seat. Strayhorn looked like he was waiting for a flight. Bookish and reserved his demeanor was unemotional. After the man in orange was carried out of the courtroom, we were ushered into a nearby empty courtroom. Eventually we started laughing about what happened.
About an hour later we got an audience with Judge Strayhorn. He apologized and thanked us for our service. He went on to talk to us for at least fifteen minutes about jury service, justice, and the rights of the accused. He told us that this man was accused of murdering his girlfriend and would go on to trial under another judge. He told us we were excused.
I was impressed with the judge. He was never torn apart in the media and he stayed above the Operation Greylord scandal. Our country needs more like you Judge Strayhorn. Go to God.
Many years ago I was part of a pool of potential jurors to the Cook County criminal courts building. Rough neighborhood. After several hours my number was called and I was ushered into a courtroom with about 30 other people. As there was only one jittery guy dressed in an orange jumpsuit and shackled to a chair, it was easy to figure out who the defendant was.
The bad guy had several outbursts and refused an attorney. He kept telling the judge he was not guilty and was shocked the judge did not let him go right then and there. Strayhorn politely tried to keep the man under control. After the man agreed to be calm, the bailiffs took off the shackles and handcuffs. Then the jury selection started. Voir dire.
Eventually the defendant lost it and got violent. He flipped over a big table, the kind they used a have in high school libraries. He started throwing chairs, screaming, and carrying on. Everyone on the courtroom floor scattered. We jurors were kind of pinned into the box. Judge Strayhorn looked annoyed that his time was being wasted. Just as I caught his attention as the only white man in the courtroom, bailiffs in 2 x 2 formation rushed from every door. Our friend was on the floor within seconds.
Men gasped, women in the jury pool screamed and cried, and I sat there dumbfounded. Frozen to my seat. Strayhorn looked like he was waiting for a flight. Bookish and reserved his demeanor was unemotional. After the man in orange was carried out of the courtroom, we were ushered into a nearby empty courtroom. Eventually we started laughing about what happened.
About an hour later we got an audience with Judge Strayhorn. He apologized and thanked us for our service. He went on to talk to us for at least fifteen minutes about jury service, justice, and the rights of the accused. He told us that this man was accused of murdering his girlfriend and would go on to trial under another judge. He told us we were excused.
I was impressed with the judge. He was never torn apart in the media and he stayed above the Operation Greylord scandal. Our country needs more like you Judge Strayhorn. Go to God.
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